His, I'm afraid, was
On her, well hers were just flopping
so ignoring their plight
they spent the next night
at Tescos and their Christmas shopping.
A harpist in the Welsh
played music that verged on symphonic;
but he kept both his eyes
on the pianist's thighs
and his thoughts were hardly platonic.
I don't mean to set out
but, for reasons astonishingly complex,
it's surely quite true
that even for you,
limericks are always about sex.
We've tried out
and attempted it once perpendicular
But she said on the night
that I left on the light,
"I'm not doing anything irregular!"
She'd experimented and
and mentioned her peculiar partiality,
"But please let's explore,"
I continued to implore,
"other aspects of your sexuality."
A parson who nickname was Mattie
fell for a teacher called Hattie.
Now she was quite catty
and he was too ratty
and the pair of them finished up batty.
There was a young miss
who performed intimate acts for a charity.
So the cash in her tin
was for putting it in.
It did wonders for her popularity.
This one's from Diane
A strapping young female
avoided all calls for domesticity.
She'd never an itchin'
to do stuff in her kitchen.
She's a slave to egocentricity.
Most limericks are liked
for their sassiness;
even, it's true, for their brassiness,
but one thing's for sure
there's definitely no cure
for not one of them's known for its
They set about sex with
despite her apparent fecundity.
But their secret's now out
because she's become rather stout
with her obvious state of rotundity.
Her ballets were
and in plays she was so operatic
but when in the chorus
her morals were quite porous
but enthusiastically melodramatic
She acted with zero
and despite a magisterial injunction
she left every john
his permanent erectile dysfunction.
Her humour was
and her manner to others bombastic
but I liked the girl
and gave romance a whirl.
I mean, the size of her boobs was fantastic!
A bonny young lassie
has one disturbing peculiarity.
Her jokes are all rude
in fact nigh on lewd
for mostly they're swamped with vulgarity.
An attractive young
maiden named Burgin
was keen and didn't need urgin'.
She was, it is said,
great fun in bed.
Pity, she's no longer a virgin.
A glamorous young
student at Trinity
met up with a scholar of divinity
who once took a chance
at a university dance
and separated her from her virginity.
It's a gene that makes
and puts weight on arms, thighs and rump.
It's apparently not cake
or choccy milk shake.
If you thought it was that, you're a chump!
When she was young it
but then it became somewhat heathery.
When long years had passed,
she was quite aghast
to find it all crinkly and leathery.
In privacy I like being
and not too concerned when I'm tethered.
But I really must sigh
when there's a glint in her eye,
for I'm definitely against being leathered.