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Albert's brush with the law

Albert’s early youth were uneventful
except for that most dreadful of nights
’e got copped by t’ local policeman
for ridin’ ’is bike wi’out lights.

’E were very late ’ome for ’is supper –
An’ Thursday were a nice bit o’ skate –
So, despite ’avin’ no lights on ’is cycle,
’e pedalled ’ome at a furious rate.

’E were proceeding down t’ avenue quite briskly
and got near to t’end of ’is street
when ’e met up wi’ arm o’ the law
’o lifted him right off his seat.

“Nah then young lad, what yer doin’?”
asked t’copper wi’ a contemptuous look.
“I’m nippin’ off ’ome for mi supper,” said Albert,
as t’ copper flipped open ’is book.

“Nay lad, you’re coming to t’ station,
you’ll ’ave to accompany me,
’cos I’ve got to get this reported.
It’s against t’ regulations you see.”

“But I’ve done nowt much wrong,” claimed our Albert,
treating t’ copper to a look o’ dismay,
“You were riding your bike wi’out lights,
and for that there’s a fine you must pay.

“You’ll ’ave to attend t’court in t’ mornin’,
an’ answer to Magistrate Brown”;
but ’e let Albert go ’ome for ’is supper,
after ’e’d got all the facts written down.

Next morning, the criminal – Albert –
wearing ’is black Sunday suit,
stood in t’dock before t’ local magistrate,
tremblin’ in ’is new ’ob-nailed boots.

“The fine is ten shillings an’ sixpence
for riding a bike wi’out lights,”
at which our Albert were gobsmacked,
for ’e were in an impecunious plight.

“Can I pay it in instalments?” pleaded Albert,
“’Cos I’m currently out of a job,”
an’ magistrate looked down at ’im kindly,
“You can pay it, once a week, at a bob.”

“I’m obliged, your ’onour,” said Albert,
“I’ve a shilling right now if you like.”
An’ Albert spent rest of ’is wages
on buying some new lights for ’is bike.

Mike Wilson 2005


Mike Wilson